Betray -verb (used with object)
All of these definitions apply to what was done to the kids and me. I don’t understand why people say they care, then turn around and betray. It isn’t getting easier for me to trust – it’s getting more difficult. Running a background check on a potential friend isn’t the way to go, but if I had done that, I would have saved myself some grief. I am hardest on myself when something untoward touches my family because I am the first line of defense and I feel like I should have known. I can’t keep them safe if I’m not always a step ahead, second-guessing everything. Truth be told, it is impossible to constantly live in that frame of mind. Sometimes I let the defenses down because I just get so tired of wielding the sword. I was not made to be a forever warrior. I can do battle, but I need the times when I can lay down my weapon and relax with those I trust.
I need more in my life, but when I step outside seeking more, so often I regret it. Where do I go when I cannot trust anyone? What do I do with this? Betrayal is a bitter pill to swallow.