Act of Defiance

For a long time I wanted to create a blog but the man I was married to would not allow it. In creating this blog today I am exerting my freedom to make my own decisions and do the things I have desired, but was not allowed to do. I have no idea where this journey is going to take me, but that is part of the reason I love to write. I take off in directions I never expected and I journey to places I’d never even dreamed.

I am blessed to be the mother of seven wonderful children. It isn’t easy, especially since I’m doing it alone.  I didn’t want to be a mom raising seven kids, but sometimes the choices other people make send our lives spinning in a direction we would never want. That is what happened to me. Now I’m picking up the pieces of 8 shattered lives and and trying to patch those broken hearts the best I can.

Every day brings a new and different challenge. I am taxed beyond my limits every day, but the LORD gives me strength to do what needs to be done. Some days I even manage to get things done with style and grace. Those are the days I feel like I’ve impacted my children and my world  for the better.  Of course, those days are few and far between. I usually put the children to bed with a feeling that I haven’t even begun to meet their daily needs. Friends and family remind me that even two parents can never meet all the needs of their children, but the guilt of not being able to give my children the father they so desperately need is overwhelming. I struggle every day to try to be mom and dad. It doesn’t work. So I need to find another way and I’ve asked God to give me direction.

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2 thoughts on “Act of Defiance

  1. Pam says:

    You are doing so great, I find such strength from you to continue to go forward with my life through you !! You are a very huge part of my every day life now, and I really do believe with out you in my life (and your beautiful Oldest) My life would still NOT be a happy place..

    People are put into our lives for reasons that some times at the time we have no idea why.. But way back in middle school we were put together, pretty similar back grounds but very very different belief’s … I am still a rebel and probably will be, I hold my friends very close to my heart as I really don’t have a lot of friends that I let that close to me in the first place..

    You are one of the few that see’s through my very hard tough exterior and know the truth underneath.. I respect you so much and just love you to death !! This you can believe .. I am not to freely of giving my heart to anyone, but you and your children have mine and always will.. this you can count on..

    I will never hurt you, I will never make you feel ashamed and I will never ask anything of you that you can’t give me.. I love you sweetie so much, I am always in your corner and will always be here for you any time you need me.. I am coming this summer and no one can stop that this year.. I’m planing on staying for a LONG weekend cause just 1 or 2 days is not enough..

    ok I am babbling but I know you know what I mean ❤ love you !!! **big huge hugs**

  2. You can do it. You’re big and you’re brave. You can make it through. Give it a chance or two….

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